Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I skipped work to stalk him.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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