The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
