Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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