; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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