I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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