So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
