My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
