Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
