She's JV to your varsity
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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