apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
