i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
