Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!

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(404): View more from Georgia

one word: firstdatebathroomanal

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(613): View more from Ontario

I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

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(905): View more from Toronto

you alive?

(1-905): View more from Toronto

ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin

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(914): View more from New York

you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.

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(248): View more from Michigan

On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"

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(309): View more from Illinois

Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)

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(443): View more from Maryland

i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"

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