Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
