I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
