exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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