I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
