Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
