I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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