Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize