I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
