i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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