i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
