Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Having a random hookup so left but love u
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
