My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
