Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just cut my nipple shaving
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
