Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
