glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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