and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
