R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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