I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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