She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize