i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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