Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
