I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
