So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
