Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
