Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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