don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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