Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
