So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
