do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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