the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize