have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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