Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
