All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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