I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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