I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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