Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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