who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
