Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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