Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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