yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
