My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
