Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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