The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
This is my gift to your gina
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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