Porn is love you can see.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
