I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
