Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think people are normalizing furries
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
