You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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