The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
