make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
