Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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