Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
