tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
In America we eat man semen.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
