So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
That accounts for only three of the penises
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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