i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
