I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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