When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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