Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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