MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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