I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just high enough for therapy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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